Monday, October 29, 2007

I'm Fat

There it is. I'm coming to terms with it. I'm not a thin person trying to get out. There is a bit of mourning a dream, as elusive as it is. Odds are I'm never going to be thin, have thighs that don't rub together, wear a single digit size (or anything without an X in it), no one is going to gasp in amazement after seeing for the first time in a while and say, "You look great. You lost weight!"

However, I'm done. I'm done with mentally and emotionally beating myself up for my size. I'm through with starving and exercising myself into year long plateaus, only to see weight come back with alarming speed despite only consuming 2500 calories a day. I'm done with being at war with my body, calories, and the scale. I've wasted more than half my life being dissatisfied with my size, being on a diet or thinking about going on a diet. I'm not wasting any more of my precious time on this planet obsessing about trying to see a lower number on the scale or a smaller number on the tag of my clothes.

The new journey begins. I'm going to learn new thought processes and behaviors. I'm going to view myself differently. I'm wasted so much time, let's go.


Theresa said...

As a fellow fat girl I am very proud of your new found independence from the need to be "waifer thin" or even anything other than what you are comfortable with. I am still on my journey to find complete acceptance with my size 16 jeans, but I'm working on improving my body image.
It's very hard living in a place like Seattle and not succombing to the thin-factor, I understand I grew up in L.A. and have family in Seattle. If only all fat girls were as candide as you, maybe then we could finally get everyone to leave us alone and let us have our cake! :)

Kathryn said...

I say good for you!! Show us your curves. Be proud of who you are. Of where you have been and where you will go. Know that you are BEAUTIFUL in all aspects of life. You rock!