There it is. I'm coming to terms with it. I'm not a thin person trying to get out. There is a bit of mourning a dream, as elusive as it is. Odds are I'm never going to be thin, have thighs that don't rub together, wear a single digit size (or anything without an X in it), no one is going to gasp in amazement after seeing for the first time in a while and say, "You look great. You lost weight!"
However, I'm done. I'm done with mentally and emotionally beating myself up for my size. I'm through with starving and exercising myself into year long plateaus, only to see weight come back with alarming speed despite only consuming 2500 calories a day. I'm done with being at war with my body, calories, and the scale. I've wasted more than half my life being dissatisfied with my size, being on a diet or thinking about going on a diet. I'm not wasting any more of my precious time on this planet obsessing about trying to see a lower number on the scale or a smaller number on the tag of my clothes.
The new journey begins. I'm going to learn new thought processes and behaviors. I'm going to view myself differently. I'm wasted so much time, let's go.