Friday, November 2, 2007

Just a Number

I weighed myself this morning. I had been thinking about it doing it for a few days. I wonder, do only fat people have that much aversion to the scale? For much of my life that little machine has wielded so much power over me, instantly ruining a otherwise pleasant day or on rarer occasions caused cheers when it read as little as half a pound less than the day before. I finally figured I should at least know what I'm dealing with. The number appears on the digital display, it was about what I expected but I couldn't help having a still somewhat emotional reaction to it. Most of us who have struggled with our weight know it well: a little shock, disappointment, and perhaps even a twinge of fear. So, how can just a number get such an emotionally charged reaction, even when it's within the realm of expectation? Why is so much value placed on it? It certainly isn't a measure of our worth, ability, intelligence, or anything else that should matter. In this journey of fat acceptance does that little number on digital display above my toes ever become a number just as emotionally inconsequential as any other?

2 comments:

vesta44 said...

It takes a while before you can look at that number and not let it bother you. When I had my physical in February this year, it was the first time in 8 years that I had been weighed (and I was 40 lbs heavier, and devastated by it). Then I got to thinking about it, and realized that although the number had changed, and my mobility was worse, my actual health, as far as BP, blood sugar, and cholesterol, was still excellent. So now I'm doing mild yoga and very mild exercises to improve my strength and mobility, and said to heck with the number on the scale. If I feel good in my body, the number doesn't matter. It's taken me about 6 months to get to that point, and I've had to work on it every day, but it does get easier.

Cherie said...

Thanks so much for checking out my blog. It's nice to know someone is out there!

I didn't have nearly the reaction I would have a month ago, before beginning to psychologically accept my fat and my body as it is now. It's just interesting to me how we as a society have given that one number so much power and meaning.