Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Bulging Brides

As usual I'm behind the times with the coming rant. I had the misfortune of catching my first (and I'm sure only) episode of Bulging Brides. It was an accident as I was finally packing away the last of the Christmas decorations (as I said, behind) and the TV happened to be on. I was mid project and therefore unable to change the channel immediately. It's fairly rare I watch much on accident as we have DVR service with memory that is perpetually full, risking losing the shows I actually do want to watch.

Of course much of Bulging Brides is typical shame the fat people reality show tripe: bride buying a way too tight dress to use as "motivation", screaming trainer, condescending and judgemental nutritionist, blah, blah. To me the worst bit is when the trainer called the bride's workout an "infidelity inhibitor". Yeah, like unless she kept it up she deserved to be cheated on. Which by the way, didn't these grooms propose to these women just the way they are? Aren't they good enough to wed as is? Shouldn't we make sure these men get a mental evaluation because quite obviously they must be abnormal for desiring these woman as is.

Like planning a wedding can't be stressful enough, like make sure crank it up about 100 notches and go on a weight loss show six weeks before. Lets make sure we turn into a crazed, starving bridezilla that no way on earth most people would find attractive. Trust me, few if any people are going to be admiring the fact you starved yourself into a size four rather than your normal size six while you're walking down the aisle; they'll just have fond memories about what a royal B.I.T.C.H. you've been to them lately and try to stuff their true feelings down since it's you're "big day".

I'll also be glad when January is over and all the diet commercials resume to their normal, obnoxious levels.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?

Two weeks ago one of our older sons was at home alone babysitting our two year old. Well at some point our older son fell asleep on the sofa, leaving the two year to his own devices. I came home to eight very full picture boxes, covering about twenty-five years,spread all over the floor. Nightmarish and it took me ten hours to sort them out (yes, the older has been duly dealt with).

The upside was to time to really go through and look at our years past (it helped me soften my mood toward my older son looking a his sweet baby face). Typically all those pictures of me that I had thought I had looked fat, ugly, etc. had miraculously changed. I kept thinking and saying, "I was so cute, why didn't anyone tell me?" To be fair my husband tried but I didn't hear him through my critical inner dialogue. This was also the first time I had really been through these pictures since my fat acceptance. Now what I thought was the most unfortunate was my clothes, especially after the birth of my first son when I first became truly "plus-sized". I had all this baggy, lumpy, generally unflattering clothing. Granted I think the selection has improved in fifteen years but I also think I better idea of how to dress my body, as well as a better idea of my own funky style (which truly came to light a few years ago when I realized with horror during one of my son's soccer practices I was dressed just like all the moms--ala What Not to Wear, only bigger). Now looking back at those pictures I'm no longer critical of myself I just wish I had the confidence to dress better.

It's renewed my resolve to dress in flattering clothes, or at least my fun and funky ones. No more hiding behind dumpy, lumpy sweats or patterned tents. I'm going to represent, not just for myself for all fat people. Does that mean I'm going to have it all together all the time? No way, but going wear what I want without shame or fear.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I don't believe you Biggest Loser

Sue at suethsayings discussion and the follow up with Pete from The Biggest Loser show has gotten me thinking. I simply don't believe in the premise of the show (or him for that matter, gasp). I don't believe the contestants lose that much weight, that quickly, the "healthy" way. As most fat people I personally have experience with being on a diet (a.k.a "lifestyle" change) for a total of years and years in total. Like most fat people I've done it all kinds of ways: commercial diets, counting calories, starvation, pills, massive exercise, etc. At my thinnest I averaged about 500 calories a day and was running at least five miles a day, of course I did loose 50 lbs but then lost absolutely nothing for over one whole year while still keeping it up (hey, fat people have willpower!). I gained weight back even eating only about 1500 calories a day while still running.

On my last diet I was determined to do it the "right" way. I ate about 1200-1500 calories a day while doing about 2-3 hours of varied exercise a day (swimming, running, gazelle walker, weight lifting). I did lose about 80 lbs but then completely stalled for over six months despite still being about 90 lbs "overweight". I did an experiment of eating 2200-2400 calories a day for two weeks, while still keeping up the exercise. In those two weeks I gained 8 lbs. So I went back to the 1200-1500 calories and still lost nothing in over six months. Then I got pregnant with my fourth. In my previous three pregnancies when I had not been on a diet before I had gained less than 15 lbs in total. With fourth pregnancy I gained 35 lbs despite eating even better than I had with the other three (which was good to begin with).

So, like a lot of fat people I have real experience losing and like 95% of us gaining it (and more back). I know my body. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU Pete. What I find interesting is how threatened Pete seems to be confronted by unbelief.

I'm done being at war with my body and food. I'm not a thin person trapped inside a fat body. I'm a fat person. This in no way diminishes my worth as a person. I'm not a failure, diets are.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

New Year's Resolution People

My husband and I noticed a lot more people clogging up the lap lanes while swimming this week, as well as twice many people in the aqua aerobics class. Lots of New Year's resolution people we're guessing. I will be curious to see how many remain at the end of the month. Since I really like to swim I'm always surprised when chatting with someone who is just enduring it as a means to get to a goal of losing weight. Personally I've never stuck with exercise I've viewed that way for the long term and I have yet to see any one of these people develop into regulars. One thing I seem to have in common with the other people I see week in, week out is we all really like swimming and generally relish our time in the pool.

I've never been a New Year's resolution person, I don't think in my 40 years on the earth I've ever made one. No, not even one of my multitude of previous diets. If I'm going to do something I either do it then or I don't, even if it's Wednesday, May 14th at 3:47. I think I may lack the patience to wait and plan as well. I do wish the New Year's resolution people well, even if I don't get it.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Hate for a New Year

Oh, let me count the ways I hate Ann Coulter but this little gem is just the top of my list.

Apparently no problem with Cindy McCain wearing a $300,000 outfit at the Republican convention but in the eye's of Ann Coulter it's a sin to wear fake pearls.

Why does anyone even still publish Coulter's drivel, is this really all this woman can come up with to write about?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Kiss my big, fat butt Hollywood!

I watched the movie Hairspray for the first time last week. It was refreshing, especially since I watched it with my 80 year old mother who has always focused on exteriors and losing weight, as well as having some disturbing prejudices (that she would deny). She was never content in her body and would forgo going to events like my father's company Christmas party for being "too fat", this at a size 14 in the 70s and 80s. If I lost weight is was never quite good enough,"You'll look really good if you just lose five or ten more," etc. She was also disturbed by the many non-Caucasian boys I dated before just by dumb "luck" marrying the whitiest man in America (British ancestry seems to afforded him almost no melatonin). I'm not sure how much the message took hold with my mother but at least it's something.

Then last night I was channel surfing and came upon the Queen Sized made for TV movie, also starring Nikki Blonsky. I only caught the last half of it but it also seemed mostly decently pro size acceptance. However what I found really disturbing (outside of the absurdly high concentration of diet and gym commercials) was at the end of the movie when the character of Maggie walks around her room, holding a trash can, throwing out about a dozen junk food stashes to indicate her new found "wellness". This sort of thing just makes me so flipping angry. Why is it assumed fat people must always have some sick relationship with food? UGGGHHHH! Don't we get enough of this crap the shows like the Biggest Loser or Celebrity Fit Club? Do we really need this in a movie that is supposed to be about size acceptance aimed at teenage girls? UGH! UGGHH! UGGGHHH!

Big news flash skinny people of the world not all fat people binge eat on comfort food and if we do your stupid messages about it ARE NOT HELPFUL, or informative. Geez, I come from a family of mostly fat people and not a one of us binge eats or has secretive junk food stashes. We actually eat much more healthful than most skinny people I know.

Can't we just have our precious few fat movies in peace without the little message there still must be something wrong with us? Are we so threatening to skinny people? Hey, maybe we are! We make up more than half the population and if we stopped getting distracted by all these messages that try to keep us in shame, spending money on diets that don't work, equipment that ends up in a garage sale, or risking our lives in surgery that has no long term proof it works we could take over and squash them like little bugs!